Do I need more friends?

Imagine you just got a big promotion at work, who would you tell the news to first?

Ok, now imagine you heard that your parent was sick in the hospital. Do you have someone to turn to?

How about making plans for this weekend: you want to go out for dinner. Do you have some friends you could invite?

The reality is that we often only have 1 or 2 people we rely on, but very few of us can say we have more than that. And this “shrinking” social circle is only getting worse in our digital age.

The more hours we spend interacting with AI and technology, the more intention we need to building real connections with the humans around us.

Anthropologist Dr. Robert Dunbar developed a framework of social connections based on his research with various animal species. It’s represented by a set of concentric circles. Take a look and consider who you would put in each of these groups. Based on your network today, could you fill them up?

If you’re like the majority living in today’s world, you may struggle to think of even a few names in each category. However, this isn't a reflection of how likable you are.

The problem is, we as humans are wired for connection, but no one taught us how to connect with others. 

Research tells us that there are four key, learnable practices that can help you connect with anyone around you:

1. Curiosity

2. Authenticity 

3. Safety

4. Evidence 

Curiosity is exhibiting genuine openness to the thoughts, ideas, and emotions of those around you and the world in which you live.

Authenticity is presenting yourself externally in a way that matches your internal beliefs and self image. 

Safety is suspending judgement and signaling to those around us that they belong. Each of us is a member of the human family, and as such, possesses innate worth that needs to be acknowledged and respected. 

Evidence is consistently doing all of these things to build connection. We be build trust by providing consistent proof of our motives and in our patterns of behavior. 

Give those around you overwhelming evidence of your genuine curiosity, authenticity, and safety with you, and you will be on your way to reaching Dunbar’s number for yourself.